I've had a hard time writing lately, because of course I relate everything to Kona. So, this isn't anything to do with CCS, or training, or caring for dogs; it's just about my grief.
It's coming up on the 3 month anniversary since I had to say goodbye to Kona and I'm crying like it was the first day. Everything reminds me of him, and I know that life will never be the same. I have never felt so lonely. No one will ever fill that hole in my heart and in my soul, but I can't wait for the day that I see pictures of him and I think of nothing but the great times we shared, instead of crying for a week. I can't wait to sit down to breakfast with friends and talk about this awesome dog I had, without welling up with tears and just shaking it off to move on to another topic.
I appreciate all of my friends and family for being there for me. And for still understanding the hard time I am facing. For making me laugh and for letting me cry. And especially for keeping me company, even though I am often miserable to be around :)
You taught me patience and confidence,
And how to stand up for you,
And for myself.
You protected me from pain, and sadness,
From loneliness and isolation.
You protected me from scary people and dogs,
And even those vicious squirrels.
But I could not protect you…
I’m sorry that I could not protect you from fear,
That I could not keep you safe.
I’m sorry that you ever had to hurt,
That you ever had to feel pain.
Everything I did, I did for you,
But I could not protect you in the end.
I’m NOT sorry that you were mine.
I’m NOT sorry for the time we spent together,
Or for anything I gave up for you.
I’m NOT sorry for the grief,
Because it means I loved.
And I’m NOT sorry for the memories,
Because you will always be a part of me.